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About Photography / Hobbyist nico-bakenekoFemale/Philippines Group :iconupm-omake: UPM-OMAKE
Ongaku Manga Anime Kosupure Eiga
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Deviant for 3 Years
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Statistics 164 Deviations 4 Comments 1,984 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Beauty of the End by nico-bakeneko Beauty of the End :iconnico-bakeneko:nico-bakeneko 1 0 Cats' Adventure by nico-bakeneko Cats' Adventure :iconnico-bakeneko:nico-bakeneko 2 0 A Penguin's World by nico-bakeneko A Penguin's World :iconnico-bakeneko:nico-bakeneko 0 0 Corruption by nico-bakeneko Corruption :iconnico-bakeneko:nico-bakeneko 0 0 Post-mortem Bleed by nico-bakeneko Post-mortem Bleed :iconnico-bakeneko:nico-bakeneko 1 0 Ember Soul by nico-bakeneko Ember Soul :iconnico-bakeneko:nico-bakeneko 1 0 Breathe life into the dead by nico-bakeneko Breathe life into the dead :iconnico-bakeneko:nico-bakeneko 1 0 Winter Limbo by nico-bakeneko Winter Limbo :iconnico-bakeneko:nico-bakeneko 1 0 Time to brace the cold by nico-bakeneko Time to brace the cold :iconnico-bakeneko:nico-bakeneko 0 0 Hopeful Eidolon Alter by nico-bakeneko Hopeful Eidolon Alter :iconnico-bakeneko:nico-bakeneko 0 0 Rust Scarab Alter by nico-bakeneko Rust Scarab Alter :iconnico-bakeneko:nico-bakeneko 0 0 Goat Token Alter by nico-bakeneko Goat Token Alter :iconnico-bakeneko:nico-bakeneko 0 0 Blooming future by nico-bakeneko Blooming future :iconnico-bakeneko:nico-bakeneko 0 0 Triangles by nico-bakeneko Triangles :iconnico-bakeneko:nico-bakeneko 0 0 Splatter by nico-bakeneko Splatter :iconnico-bakeneko:nico-bakeneko 0 0 Red Flowers by nico-bakeneko Red Flowers :iconnico-bakeneko:nico-bakeneko 1 0
I take the issue of stealing art very negatively and seriously. Don't you ever dare.

If you do see someone reposting and claiming my art as their own, please tell me.

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nico-bakeneko's Profile Picture

Artist | Hobbyist | Photography
Free spirit. Wanderer-at-heart. Creative. Anxiety-bound. Dysthymic. ENFP.
Likes tabletop games and a few video games.
Indie with a touch of me.
Trigger Warning by nico-bakeneko

I've been taking this medicine for two months now (and counting). You see, I've been clinically diagnosed with Dysthymia.

I've heard it in our Psychology class before. To be honest, I never really considered that I had it, even if our professor asked us about how much we have in the criteria. Self-diagnosing is still not good (especially when you're anxious), but it wasn't serious. It just... made us think a little. Plus, she always said that it only becomes a problem when it was affecting our functionality.

Maybe not completely in my case, but it was affecting me badly. I also asked my doctor about my anxiety, but he says it may just be part of the drift. Maybe he is right, or maybe we just don't know enough yet. I am anxious and dysthymic -- a pretty long term package that I have grown to view as a part of me.

If I wasn't having trouble with coping, if I wasn't scared of reaching that point where everything has fallen apart, and if I didn't want others to see me break... I might not have sought help at all, because I need to look "okay", to sound "okay", and maybe just continue fooling everyone else that I am alright.

However, I am not. I rarely am.

Suddenly being diagnosed with Dysthymia wasn't hard. Needing to take my meds isn't hard either. However, living with what dysthymia stands for is hard.

Days and nights of not ever feeling a hundred percent. Pushing myself to be okay so others wouldn't know. Many nights crying myself to sleep. Many instances of finding out which method I should use to finish myself off. Searching for the cutter to ease the aches and chase the hollowness away. It's not that hard to smile, to laugh, and try to seem okay. Inside, I'm broken and still breaking. Shards of myself continue being ground into dust.

I am not sure if the meds are helping. I have yet to come back to school and face my majors. (Classes hasn't started yet.) Maybe then, we'll know if something has changed.

I am not ashamed of being dysthymic. I would fight for it, too. However, maybe not now. Not when I can't even fight for myself anymore. Not when I give myself up so easily to the demons that have been haunting me for years.


Add a Comment:
Iriusia Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I love your arts! Anna squee 
nico-bakeneko Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you! :D